What Happens Now
by Bella7
Summary: Set in 1st season. I thought it might be fun to do a non-angsty one shot on Cordy's thoughts before she hooks up with Angel. R&R!


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What Happens Now

Genre- general

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Rating- G, PG- whatever

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Summary- set waaaay back in the FIRST episode of Angel! I don't know why, but I watched it today, and I wanted to do a little one shot on the chance encounter that changed Cordelia's life. I miss her- I want her back on the show! Grrrr. Okay, okay. Done. Read and review! 

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Disclaimers- Show belongs to Joss Whedon and WB. Song belongs to Evita and whoever wrote Evita. 

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I don't expect my love affairs to last for long   
Never fool myself that my dreams will come true   
Being used to trouble I anticipate it   
But all the same I hate it--wouldn't you?  


Cordelia didn't want to go to that party that night. She wanted to be at home in her crappy apartment, eating ice cream that she couldn't afford and moping about her miserable life. Albeit a sad occupation for a Friday night, it was what she wanted to do. She'd only just been dumped the day before, and although she hadn't been very attached to Dylan, it still stung that he had dropped her the way he had. _Of course_, Cordy told herself in the bathroom, _I would have dumped him first if he'd given me the opportunity. _But she hadn't been given the opportunity; she'd been the dumpee. She left the stall and washed her hands, as she dried them on a plush hand towel, Cordelia looked in the mirror- she certainly looked the part of posh young starlet, if nothing else. With a sigh, Cordy straightened her dress and unwillingly remembered the events of the previous day. When Dylan had called her to meet him for lunch.

_"I don't think this is working out, Cordelia." He'd suddenly said, as she'd tried not to inhale the food. _

"What?"

"Us- this…whatever it is."

"Why not?" Her voice had been steady, though her stomach dropped to her knees.

"Because, I don't really think anyone is getting what they want out of this."

"But Dylan…"

"No, forget it." He paused, pursing his lips. "Look kid, you were hot stuff a month ago. But let's face it, the more I got to know you, the more I realized you're just another farm girl- just asking to get her heart broken." 

"Hey! I am **not** a farm girl, okay?" It had been a lame comeback, Cordelia knew, but there was nothing else she could think of to say. Dylan rolled his eyes and got up,

"Whatever, kid. My advice, go back home- you'll never make it here." His eyes moved beyond her. She turned around to see a beautiful blonde standing in the doorway; he motioned for her to wait. "It's been real." And with that, he left Cordy in the red vinyl booth, gaping. 

"Who's that?" She heard the blonde ask in a stupid, Anna-Nicole-esque voice.

"Oh, trust me. She's nobody." 

That's who she'd become in only a few short months. Nobody. Just another Hollywood hopeful. It was pathetic. She'd been dumped by utter sleaze, and now she was hiding out in a bathroom of a party where she had no interest in being- that's what it had come to. Pathetic. __

So what happens now?   
Another suitcase in another hall   
So what happens now?   
Take your picture off another wall 

Where am I going to? 

You'll get by, you always have before   
Where am I going to? 

Now, she'd expected to struggle, what else could she expect? Leaving the Sunnydale Motel with her bank account of $17.66. Luckily she'd been able to borrow enough from her Aunt Tina to rent her apartment and a few boxes of cereal. That's what she'd been living on for the last few months- Lucky Charms. The generic brand, the kind that came in the bags- not the boxes. 

Tears formed in Cordelia's eyes. She was living in a roach invested apartment in the worst part of town, living off of marshmallows cereal, it really didn't get much worse than that. She shook her head and wiped at her eyes in anger. Cordelia Chase did not cry. She'd been the meanest girl in Sunnydale history. The Queen Bitch. Queen Bitches did not cry. They made other cry- usually on a daily basis- but they never cried. Still, the tears were there, hiding behind her eyes, waiting until she got home so she could weep and not be worried about anyone catching her with puffy eyes and red nose. 

  
_Time and time again I've said that I don't care   
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through   
But every time it matters all my words desert me   
So anyone can hurt me--and they do  
_

The meanest girl in Sunnydale. May Queen. Sunnydale Beauty Queen- four years running. A feat unsurpassed in Sunnydale history. All of Cordy's former titles surfaced in her mind as she made her way to the drink table and ordered a club soda. _Bet they'd love to see me now, _she grimaced, taking the drink. Oh, they'd howl- to see how the mighty Queen C had fallen. Reduced to generic Lucky Charms and Wal-Mart shopping. The little Scoobies with their cry-Buffy of a leader. Now _there _was something positive about L.A. No Buffy. No Buffy meant no Xander; and that was good. Lord, something really was wrong if she was starting to miss Xander. Cordy shook her head and smiled flirtatiously at a group of wannabe moguls. Although, Xander hadn't exactly been scraping the bottom of the barrel- she could've done worse. He was more of a…diamond in the rough kind of thing. Granted there was a _lot _of rough to get through, lots and lots and _lots _of rough, but inside that coal, was a diamond. A very small diamond- okay, more like a cubic zirconium, but it was something. Something she definitely didn't have now. She didn't have anything now. 

_Not true, _a voice in Cordy's head said plainly as the men she'd smiled at approached her; _you have three very attractive men coming your way. From the looks of it, three **rich **attractive men. Perk up! _Cordy's smile didn't quite reach her eyes as these men introduced themselves: Tony, Brad, and William. 

"Cordelia," one of them, William, she thought, tested out her name when she'd given it. "That's from Shakespeare, right? _Macbeth?" _She resisted the urge to roll her eyes,

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"King Lear." 

"Well, whatever." William studied her for a moment. "Cordelia Chase, Cordelia Chase…why does that sound familiar?" Brad-or Tony, whoever- whacked him on the arm,

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"She was with Hunter for awhile. A few months ago- right?"

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"He was my agent," she added quickly, not wanting them to get the wrong idea. "But I'm with another agency now." A painful memory of Hunter Bryant surfaced in Cordy's mind as the men tried to make her interested in what they were saying. 

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He'd been her first agent, a nice guy, cute, funny, and most importantly- cheap. But there was something else about Hunter that she'd instantly liked. He'd believed in her. He'd really thought she could do it- go the distance, be a famous actress. At first. Soon, however, Hunter turned into every other guy she'd met since coming to L.A. He'd dropped her like a bad habit, not returning phone calls, not meeting her places, and not even setting up auditions. Until one day, she got a post-it note stuck to her door saying, "Get a new agent- and some talent. -Hunter Bryant." She'd cried that day too. 

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So what happens now? 

Another suitcase in another hall   
So what happens now?   
Take your picture off another wall 

Where am I going to? 

You'll get by you always have before  
Where am I going go? 

What was she doing at this party? William-Tony-Brad (she didn't know who was whom) was telling her about his job. At some point she must've asked. He worked for some high-power executive. Cordy heard herself telling him that it sounded fascinating in her false 'party-voice.' Andrea, a girl at her new talent agency, had invited her. She'd promised to introduce her to some big wigs in the business. So far, Andrea was nowhere to be found, and Cordy was stuck talking to three men who seemed exactly the same. How fun. 

  
_Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know   
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow   
I won't recall the names and places of each sad occasion   
But that's no consolation--here and now _

In three months, Cordelia had faced more rejection than she could possible imagine. She'd never, in her entire life felt worse about herself. The worst part was when she would spend hours getting ready, trying to be exactly what they wanted so they could look at her for two seconds and decide that she was a "too." Too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too "exotic" which meant brunette, too "ethnic" which meant tan…the list went on forever.

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It didn't always hurt at first. Sometimes, the rejections would bottle up and all it would take would be one more to uncork the hurt and send her into depression. But she'd decided something- something important. What hurt the most was that her entire life, Cordelia had always been told the same things. "Gosh, Cordelia- you're so beautiful, you should be a model!" "Gee Cordy, you've really got great stage presence- you should be an actress!" "You're so classy! You could be a star!" Never once had she been told how smart she was, or how resourceful or how ambitious. Never once. This was what she had to offer the world- her good looks. That was it. If she wasn't recognized for that, what else would there be? What else could there be?_  
_

So what happens now?   
Another suitcase in another hall   
So what happens now?   
Take your picture off another wall   
Where am I going to?   
You'll get by, you always have before   
Where am I going to?   


Suddenly, Cordy's eyes were drawn away from the trio of entrepreneurs to the T.V. screens filming the party. A familiar face was making its way through the crowd, searching for someone- her. 

"Oh my God. Angel?!" 

  
_Don't ask anymore   
_


End file.
